Cause and Cure of Conflict

(Author's note: This is a message recap from the Singles' Connect Service last Saturday, October 26, as preached by Bro. KC Cheng) 

Do you know a person who is after having conflicts with others? Apparently, most of us are striving not to cause conflict with others. But at some point, we are bound to create conflicts, even for the pettiest reasons. We can find an excuse for a conflict in almost everything. 

We can see conflicts in government, in family, in churches. The family of God is also marked with conflicts. Yes, even at such places where peace of Christ would come out. There are denominational disputes; inhibitions; majoring on the minors and minoring on the majors (which I find very ironic);  type of music; preaching style; baptism by immersion or baptism by sprinkling. Churches actually split because of these, and both sides think it's because they don't know the Bible. But it's not actually the lack of knowledge of both parties, the problem lies in applying it. 

Some of us have the unconscious tendency to focus more on being right than building relationships. When unbelievers challenge your faith, what do you feel? Do you have the sudden urge to defend it with Biblical verses to prove a point, then try to make them see that they're wrong and you are right? Or do you try to compassionately understand where they are coming from?  If you say you're only defending God's word, then well and good, praise God for your heart. We are actually called to defend the gospel but the question is, are you actually doing it because you love God and the person that you're talking to or you just have the satisfaction in proving that what you actually believe in is right?

In James 4, James did not only raise a question of what causes conflict but he also gave cure for the conflict. James 4:1-3 say, What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive,because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

James went straight to the point that what causes conflicts are our selfish pleasures and desires. Imagine a life when everything happens accordingly to your plans. It's like when you want something, you get it--- anything that you plan is just get done. But we all know, that's not how it works. We don't always get what we want because someone out there wants something else that conflicts with our desires so things don't go our way. Someone out there wants the same thing as you do and he gets it so you can't have anything. Someone out there also didn't do what we wanted them to do, so things don't go as we expected. And there are many times that when we actually don't get what we want or if things don't go our way it's just so natural for us to get frustrated and blame someone else, especially when we know we are right.

It just feels good to put the blame on others and say things like, "I told you so". We all know that is easy blame others. So easy that we don't need to practice it. Most of the time we are good in finding the external factors because it's just so easy to blame others and dwell on the 'if only' sentiments like, "If only he/she is like this", "If only he/she would do this", "If only things go my way, the world will be a better place to live in" But the truth of the matter is, as James tells us, the source of the problem is not out there, the cause of conflict is within you, within us. You and I have to be very honest with ourselves, we may think of ourselves as godly persons. That we are saved by the grace of God through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ, and that our sins were washed away. Yet, there's still the dark old self in us, who loves the world and what it has to offer. We are still consumed by our selfish desires and when we don't get it, we become unhappy and frustrated, so we get involved into quarreling and conflicts. Selfishness, when it is observed in another is so obvious and ugly, but selfishness within us can be surrounded by a lot of irrationality, excuses, and spiritual blindness.

As children of God we know it's wrong, but somehow, we can't help it, it pops out unwillingly from the inside where we know the spirit also dwells and we have to be thankful enough for the Spirit, because it doesn't get tired, it is patient enough to rebuke us in our sinfulness. Romans 7:25 states, 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[a] a slave to the law of sin." This is the battle within us. In Romans 7:22-23 it says, "22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me." 

Going back to James 4, three sins in particular were singled out in the text. One is covetousness, lack of prayer, and adultery. First is covetousness. James 4:2 it says,"2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." In the New American Standard Bible (NASB) version, it says, " 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. The word "lust" here came from the Greek word "epithumeo" which was also used by Jesus Christ found in Luke 22:15 that says,"15 And He said to them, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer". Studying the word "epithumeo" it means 'to turn upon a thing', 'to have a desire for' and 'of those who seek things that are forbidden'. Epithumeo as a word is not all negative. We can long for or desire something which is good like as Jesus expressed His desire in Luke 22:15. But the flip side of this word is, when we lust after something or seek things which are forbidden. There are many things a person might have a strong desire that may occupy one's mind that drives him to do whatever it takes just to have it, leaving behind the concerns of others. When we get frustrated, when we do not get what we want, we sometimes fight and we sometimes kill. Both literally and figuratively. We kill them with gossip, slander, and do a lot of things just to bring them down. We must always examine ourselves regarding the motives of our desires. Is it something that glorifies God or merely gratifies us? Is it something that we lift up and surrender to God or do we try to accomplish it ourselves? This question leads to the second cause of conflict which is the lack of faith. 

In James 4:2b-3 it says, "You do not have because you do not ask God.3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.". Let's face it, we do not always surrender our desires to God, at some point, we think we could handle it or we can make it on our own. Do you agree that our lack prayer shows that we actually believe that we can handle the situation based on our own choices? We don't believe that He will grant us what we need or what we want so we try to have it our way. We don't trust His timing, we don't believe that God holds our best interest. Do we think we can do any better? 

But James straightly points out asking is one thing. We should ask with the right motives. It is not wrong to ask God to grant our heart's desires, but it's better if we will ask Him in conformity of His will in our lives. Our prayers can sometimes be utterly selfish, like the "name it, claim it" approach to prayer or the "prosperity gospel". It sounds good, even motivating, but the problem is, it does not work that way. Sometimes we want so much even it is not in line with the will of the Lord for us. Greedy prayer is not a matured prayer. Greedy prayer is not a godly prayer and sometimes, we even negotiate with God as if He needs something from us. In fact, we are not entitled to make requests to God with the intention of telling what God has to do. When we pray, we must be in the Spirit of Jesus' prayer that says, "Not my will, but Your will be done". 

Psalm 34:7 says, "Take delight in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart." Matthew 6:33 says, "33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." The big difference there would be what fills our hearts at the time of our prayer. If you ask for worldly riches first and promise to submit to God after He grants your desires, then you use God as a tool to acquire your worldly pursuits. But if you delight in Him first and seek after His kingdom before anything else, what you treasure is more likely to give life with what God wills in your life. We cannot serve the world, while claiming we belong to God. We cannot desire to be with God if we desire the world as much. It's also said in John 15:18-21, :"8 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me."

The third cause of conflict is adultery. James 4:4 says, "4 You adulterous people,[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God?Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."  The word "world" used in this context does not entail the earth that the Lord has created which then He said, was good. It simply means the way of living in this world. It is when we give our hearts over the material things of this world or to prioritize people more than the Lord. Then unintentionally, we become adulterous people, but not in the context of sexual infidelity. In this verse, James is talking about spiritual adultery, when we become unfaithful to God. Before we were saved by the blood of Christ and before we become His children, we were His enemies first. In Romans 5:10 it says, 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! So if you are close to be doing the things of this world which you were previously belonged with, then that is being spiritually adulterous to God. In the Old Testament, God is seen as the husband of Israel. In the New Testament, Jesus is seen as the bridegroom and the Church is His bride. When we are having an affair with the world, then we are being unfaithful to the Lord. We are either of the Word, or of the world. We cannot have the best of both worlds. We cannot serve two masters. 

After the causes of conflicts have been mentioned, now what's the cure for it? There are four ways to cure a conflict. First, SUBMIT ourselves to God; second RESIST devil; third, COME near to God; and lastly, STOP judging others. 

SUBMIT ourselves to God. James 4:7 it says, "7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." The word 'submit' here is a military command to put things in order. To submit to an authority means yielding to a will over the other. When we submit to God, we obey God's commands rather than following our selfish desires. In John 3:30 it says, "30 He must become greater; I must become less.” In our life, it must be God's will over ours. It must be God's plan over ours. Our mantra should be, "Not our way, but God's way". We submit to Him because we love Him and we believe in His Lordship over us. We follow Him and obey His commands, and with these, we will the privilege in knowing what is His will for our lives, because His will for us is to do it, His way; because when we do it His way, then we are obeying His will. And we're doing it because we don't have to, but we want to. When you find yourself in conflict with others, you find the urge to fight back, isn't it? But if we put Christ to be in-charge of our lives, and we're living in submission to Him, then His peace will rule our lives. 

Psalm 34:14 it says, "14 Turn from evil and do good;seek peace and pursue it." This verse involves the second cure for the conflict which is RESIST the devil. If we have not submitted our lives to Jesus it won't go us anywhere. To resist the devil without submitting to God is actually impossible. The Bible declares that He who is in us is greater who is in the world which is Satan. But why is it so hard to resist temptation? It's simply because Satan does not appear to be a monster in our eyes. The devil is adorned with rationalizations, excuses, and worldly wealth. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says, "4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." The devil rules the world with deceptions, he leads the world astray. Revelation 12:9 says, "9 The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him." He does things to keep us away from the Church. He intends us to become spiritually blind and to ultimately cause trouble  and inhibition among us. When we come to realize the power of God against the power of Satan, we will then realize that the god of the world is a coward. As 1 John 4:4 declares, "4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." And as children of God, we must yield to God so we may resist the devil. Ephesians 6:10-11 tells us, "10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on thhane full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." What are the armors of God?  The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace and preparation, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. This promise assures that we can be spiritually armed in war against Satan with God's armor. For the Bible declares, if God is for us, who can be against us? 

The third cure for the conflict is COME NEAR to GOD. In verse 8, James says, "8 Come near to God and he will come near to you.". Isn't that an incredible promise? The Lord wants to walk with you and me, He wants us to be very close to Him. So how can we draw near to God? James suggests that we should clean up our hearts and minds.If we remove the pollution in our lives the more we can get closer to the holy and mighty God. It also says in 1 Peter 2:11, "11 Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul." We need to express our deep longing for the Lord. We need to humble ourselves before Him with pure hearts and clear intentions that we may gain intimacy with Him. God's kingdom is in heaven and it entails a very promising picture wherein there's no pain and suffering, there are no tears, only pure joy. But is that what we're only after why we would want to get closer to God? I hope not. But at some point, there are times that we see Jesus as if he is only a vehicle for us to get in heaven rather than a destination of being with Him. That's not what intimacy is, being intimate with God is having a desire to be where He is, regardless of the pain and suffering that awaits you when you are with Him--that's intimacy. 

Then as we go deeper in our relationship with God, we come to see others as how He sees them--with COMPASSION. And that leads to the fourth cure for conflict which is STOP judging others. James 4:11-12 says, "11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister[d]or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it,but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?" When we set ourselves up as a judge, then, we are spiritually in trouble, conflict is an unavoidable result. James reminds us that God is the lawgiver and the judge, not us, definitely not us. He says that we have no business in judging our neighbors and in speaking slanderous things about him or her. We could say, we are only discerning a person. But there's a very thin line between discerning and judging others, so we have to be very careful. For discernment is used for the well being of others, judgment is condemning them, in order for us to feel good about ourselves. So we should always examine our hearts. Let's keep in mind who we are in Christ so that we may see and treat others as Christ sees and treats us. We are all sinners, who need love and grace from God each day. We are no better than anyone else, we're just better off with Christ. . Romans 2:1-3 also reminds us, "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3 So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?" We are not called as judges and lawyers, because that's what God is actually doing, He is the only one who is entitled to do that because He is the lawmaker and the judge in the first place. God gives us more grace. The more humbled we are, the more grace we receive, and the more grace we receive, the more we could pass it on to others. 

Just try to imagine, what if we prioritize others than ourselves? What if we come near to God, resist devil, and stop judging others? What if we focus more on yielding to God's will in prayer than trying to do things on our own? What if we get contented with what God gives us? What if we fully surrender our lives to Him? Wouldn't be the causes of conflict be eradicated and the grace and love of God surround us? 

Friends, we know the causes of conflict, we know the cure of it either. The question is, will you still be dwelling on the causes or will you delve on how to cure it?